Without Feminine Containment, Emotion Becomes Chaos — Not Authenticity

Lately, I've been doing some deep work around the topic of authenticity. Uncovering the layers in my life where I am still not showing up in truth, but instead where I choose to wear a mask out of fear of being really seen (and then perhaps rejected).

During a session recently, my coach offered me this powerful question:

"When you speak about this topic, do you feel calm or restless?¨

Calm suggests I'm connected to my truth. Restlessness often signals I'm caught inside the whirlwind of unmanaged (uncontained) emotion — in what I might call the shadow feminine or over-functioning feminine energy.

I've been noticing how this plays out in my own life: the insecurity I feel when I don't hear back from a friend for days or weeks... the fear that rises when I consider expressing my real feelings, terrified of being abandoned or judged. Which of the emotions above — insecurity or fear — should I listen to, and which one do I need to discern?

Both emotions are valid — meaning they are real experiences — but they are not equally truthful guides.

Not every emotion is an equal guide, but some are clear calls for attention. Insecurity — the ache I feel when a friend is consistently leaving me hanging — is an emotion worth listening to. It signals a real misalignment that needs to be seen. Fear — the trembling before speaking my truth — is the emotion I must move through, not obey. It's the barrier between me and deeper authenticity.

And here's what I also realised during this session- emotions are part of my ability to connect to my intuition, but they can also distort it.

Intuition is clearest when the emotional waters are calm. A stormy ocean might tell me something urgent — but it doesn’t always tell me something true.

A reflection about society

I see this dynamic rippling across our society, too. In "safe spaces," in spiritual communities, in popular culture — there’s a rising overcorrection toward emotionalism. In the same way, certain DEI (diversity, equity and inclusion) initiatives reflect an overactive feminine energy — prioritising emotional experience and inclusion without enough grounding in discernment, structure, or truth. The pendulum that once swung too far into patriarchal logic and suppression is now swinging too far into unchecked feeling.

In some ways, it almost feels like we are now living under a matriarchy — where feelings outweigh facts, and where experience overshadows wisdom.

Men are not immune to this shift. Many are either feeling redundant (unsure how to bring their masculine gifts into this new emotional terrain) or are swinging too far into their own feminine energies without cultivating the masculine discipline to hold and master their emotional landscapes — a principle beautifully described in The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida.

He writes that a man must be able to transcend the need to comfort his fears, but instead lean into them — to be free in the face of emotion, not ruled by it.

Is Nonviolent Communication (NVC) Feeding the Uncontained Feminine?

Certain communication models — like Nonviolent Communication (NVC) — can unintentionally feed the confusion between emotional expression and emotional truth.

While NVC offers beautiful tools for empathy and understanding, when used without discernment, it can encourage endless expression of feelings without anchoring those feelings in deeper clarity or responsibility. This risks slipping into a form of spiritual bypassing — where instead of doing the hard inner work of discernment, healing, and containment, we prioritise emotional processing as an end in itself. True growth isn’t just about sharing our feelings; it’s about refining them, understanding them, and knowing when to act — and when not to.

An Egg Metaphor: Containment and Overflow

If we imagine masculine and feminine energy (in all of us) as an egg:

• The shell is the masculine presence: steady, devoted, unshakable — the force that holds, protects, and honours the life it shelters. It represents logic, discernment, and structure — the clear form that gives life direction and strength.

• The yolk is the feminine essence: warm, luminous, overflowing with creative potential — the life force that longs to be held, nurtured, and witnessed. It symbolises emotion, intuition, and pure creative energy — rich and vital, but in need of containment to reach its highest expression.

  
  

They are designed to dance together (within and without). The masculine gives the feminine a safe structure within which she can flourish, move, express — without spilling into chaos.

Why Feminine Containment Is Essential for Authentic Expression

In my own journey — and in my work with clients — it’s a constant refining process.

It means strengthening the inner masculine to lovingly contain the feminine. Speaking out when something doesn't feel right, or asking for clarity if you're unsure. Instead of allowing oneself to go off into story of unchecked emotions. It means purifying the feminine; clearing the emotional noise of old wounds, fears, and unhealed attachments, so that what rises to be expressed comes from clarity rather than chaos.

Final Thought

The call right now — for women and men — is to reclaim both sides of the dance. To honour feelings, but not be ruled by them. To value the beauty of emotion, but to also cultivate a strong inner masculine who can lovingly contain and guide the wild, potent forces of the feminine within.

Not by swinging back into suppression. But by creating a new relationship to our emotions — one based on discernment, truth, and devotion to what is real.

Thanks for reading

Laura x

I also want to give a heartfelt shout-out to my coach, Tara, whose deep guidance around authenticity and discernment has helped shape many of the insights shared here. You can check out her work [here].

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